The Lobster and God

I look like a lobster. It's true. My face is beet red and starting to peel. I am on day four. I would love to have an exotic story about how this came to be. I have thought of a few scenarios - skiing in Colorado in the sunshine and wind or lying on a beach in Mexico, drinking a margarita and falling asleep with a book in hand. That would make the current look worth it. The truth is far less glamorous and is more along the lines of 30 minutes in the dermatologists' office under a bright light that fried my skin in hopes of taking away precancerous spots on my face and buying me more time in between their growth and development.

My dermatologist had brought up this photo therapy before as an option but I wasn't really interested until I realized I had met my deductible and was tiring of the regular freezing off of precancerous spots. So I agreed and scheduled it when I had a few days off in case I looked a bit red. I was not prepared for what I actually look like - or that I would still look like this four days later. Just the rule of staying inside for 48 hours was hard enough but then when my house arrest was up,  I realized I wasn't too excited to go outside considering my current look. The only time the past few days that I have not been uncomfortable is when I am outside running in the dark and the cold air is hitting my face.

Today when I got up I really debated whether or not to go to church with the kids. My face is still pretty dramatic. I am not one super excited about drawing attention to myself. I even told the kids I wasn't sure I was going to go because I was self conscious about my peeling, red skin. Then I heard myself and realized the ridiculousness of what I was saying. We were getting ready for church. Church. I know different people have varying reactions and experiences with church. With all the life changes this past year I haven't always found it to be the most comfortable place for me to be. But, the premise of church, is a gathering place to worship God...A God who I know loves me, lobster face and all. A God who never would have sent His only son to live on this earth if we were all perfect. A God who sees ALL my imperfections and loves me anyway. If I choose not to go to church because of my self consciousness over my red face, what am I saying to my kids? We should only go when we are feeling and looking good? That is actually the exact opposite of the message I want to send. God sees and loves the broken. He KNOWS I am not perfect. So....I got myself dressed, slapped three pounds of lotion on my face and went to church. I am too imperfect to even try to pretend I am perfect any more. It's too tiring and not honest.

I have had a lot of time to think the past few days. This face experience is really a fitting way to end this messy, sometimes uncomfortable year. There has been pain, self examination, kindness and healing this year. I have not always felt like getting out of bed and going outside to face the world, even before I looked like a lobster. But you have to keep showing up...even when you are red, peely and uncomfortable. Merry Christmas. And may we all find more kindness, love and truth in the new year.