Finding and Losing Nemo

When we lost our beloved golden Belle three years ago, we were all devastated. She had been part of the family before there were even Bonn kids. It took three years for us to agree to get another dog. Some family members were more agreeable to a new fuzzy friend than others. After the initial grieving for Belle, we started to notice it was nice to not have the hair balls rolling across the floor and we didn’t always have to make sure we were home at a certain time to let the dog out. We missed the fuzzy snuggles and family walks but we started to adjust to life without a four legged friend. 

Well, I should say three of us adjusted and one continued to pine for a dog. Audrey would put “dog” at the top of every birthday and Christmas list. She would attach leashes to her stuffed animals and walk them around the house. When she resorted to making a dog out of cardboard, Michael and I decided maybe we really did need to add another dog to our family. 

 On her 10^th birthday this past summer we told her we would start looking for a dog – much to her extreme delight. We have a lot of requirements so we reminded her it might be awhile. I refuse to get a puppy. Belle was a tough puppy. Besides the housebreaking – she chewed wood, dry wall, my leg, anything. I know my limits and a puppy I couldn’t do.

We are partial to Golden Retrievers and Labs so we signed up with a Golden rescue organization. After completing a very lengthy application and having a phone interview and a home visit (I am not kidding), we were found to be a suitable home. Phew. If we are raising kids here, I would like to think we are suitable to raise a dog as well. We were told if we agreed to “foster to adopt” a rescue, we would probably find a dog sooner. My experience with Goldens is that most are not aggressive and good with kids so we said we would be open to the idea.

Then came Nemo. The organization we are working with has been getting some of their dogs from Taiwan. I guess there are a lot of dogs running “wild” in Taiwan. The picture of a pack of wild goldens on the loose kind of cracks me up. Will they lick you to death if approached? We were called and told that four dogs were arriving from Taiwan and did we want to foster one? We got their pictures and the kids agreed on Nemo. All we knew about him was that he was housebroken, had his shots and was somewhere between 4-6 years old.

When Nemo arrived a few things became immediately clear…he was malnourished, on the upper end of the 4-6 range and not really housebroken. The first day he had an accident in the house I figured it might be related to the stress, long flight, drugs I am sure he was given to make said long flight, etc. etc. The accidents that happened every day after were harder to explain. We took him to our “welcome to the states” vet visit to learn all the baggage he brought with him. After talking to the vet about his ear infections and skin infection, he broke the other news. “I hate to tell you this but I am not looking at a 6 year old dog. I would put him at closer to 9.” Um….9? Well, we did think the cataracts might be a dead giveaway. I was willing to look past the white face because some of us are just prematurely grey… Hmmm. 9 years for a golden is closer to a senior than middle aged. My kids looked at my in complete surprise. We had made it very clear we didn’t want to foster a senior dog because we had just done the senior dog thing and it was hard. We want to enjoy a dog for longer.

We decided to remain open minded as we tried to beef Nemo up and get him to stop using the carpet as a bathroom but in the end we knew, sadly, that Nemo wasn’t the right fit for our family. Nemo now lives on an enormous property with other dogs. The new foster mom did tell me that it wasn’t just me and he does need continued work with housebreaking and has tried to eat their pet squirrel. Our house feels a little empty without his enormous feet padding around. I am hopeful that our wait for our next potential fuzzy friend won’t be too long and in the meantime, I think we will put down some hardwood floors.

Hanging on by More Than a Thread

It appears I didn’t write all summer. I also didn’t grocery shop, complete 1 book or plant any new flowers. I am thinking survived probably sums up the summer more than thrived. I didn’t do half the stuff I was hoping to but I was better rested than last summer, my kids are still on speaking terms with me and each other, and they grew so I must have feed them something right. 

I feel like in most areas of my life the past few months I have only been just getting by…just hanging on. Even at work it seems a bit harder than normal. Not harder in the skills sense – although I swear I learn something new or see some new contraption every week – but in the feeling like I am moving forward. The thing about working at a small community hospital…you start seeing some of the same patients again and again. It can get a bit discouraging feeling like you aren’t making much of a difference when the patient you discharged last week is your new admission this week. 

This feeling of having everything on hold and just getting by was starting to weigh on me last week until one of my patients reminded me that it’s all a matter of perspective. I had this lovely, funny, kind-hearted patient that I had the honor to care for. In spite of some really bummer circumstances she was doing her best to remain positive. The second day I was her nurse she had a really hard day physically. She wasn’t making the progress she was hoping for and emotionally she was spent. 

At the end of our time together, things were starting to look up. Before I left she told me that she thinks God puts people in our lives just to help us through one moment and for that day, I was the person in her moment. As I left I knew she had done for me more than I had done for her. She had reminded me why I love my job. Even though I can get discouraged by the readmissions and the quantity of body fluid, I get to share these really personal moments with my patients. What an honor. I needed the reminder to get unstuck.

I love fall. Fall feels like it is full of possibilities. Ironically this feeling coincides with the kids returning to school. I am sure that is merely a coincidence…I feel like I can catch my breath, get organized and exchange the pinky grip I have had on life for a full hand. Today is my first day alone in probably three months. It has been refreshing. I took the kids to school (who appear to have forgiven me for not being here when Audrey started yesterday) went for a long run, stopped at my favorite coffee shop (which is actually not Starbucks contrary to popular belief) and took my new, slightly crazy dog for a walk. Here’s to a new day.