Hanging on by More Than a Thread

It appears I didn’t write all summer. I also didn’t grocery shop, complete 1 book or plant any new flowers. I am thinking survived probably sums up the summer more than thrived. I didn’t do half the stuff I was hoping to but I was better rested than last summer, my kids are still on speaking terms with me and each other, and they grew so I must have feed them something right. 

I feel like in most areas of my life the past few months I have only been just getting by…just hanging on. Even at work it seems a bit harder than normal. Not harder in the skills sense – although I swear I learn something new or see some new contraption every week – but in the feeling like I am moving forward. The thing about working at a small community hospital…you start seeing some of the same patients again and again. It can get a bit discouraging feeling like you aren’t making much of a difference when the patient you discharged last week is your new admission this week. 

This feeling of having everything on hold and just getting by was starting to weigh on me last week until one of my patients reminded me that it’s all a matter of perspective. I had this lovely, funny, kind-hearted patient that I had the honor to care for. In spite of some really bummer circumstances she was doing her best to remain positive. The second day I was her nurse she had a really hard day physically. She wasn’t making the progress she was hoping for and emotionally she was spent. 

At the end of our time together, things were starting to look up. Before I left she told me that she thinks God puts people in our lives just to help us through one moment and for that day, I was the person in her moment. As I left I knew she had done for me more than I had done for her. She had reminded me why I love my job. Even though I can get discouraged by the readmissions and the quantity of body fluid, I get to share these really personal moments with my patients. What an honor. I needed the reminder to get unstuck.

I love fall. Fall feels like it is full of possibilities. Ironically this feeling coincides with the kids returning to school. I am sure that is merely a coincidence…I feel like I can catch my breath, get organized and exchange the pinky grip I have had on life for a full hand. Today is my first day alone in probably three months. It has been refreshing. I took the kids to school (who appear to have forgiven me for not being here when Audrey started yesterday) went for a long run, stopped at my favorite coffee shop (which is actually not Starbucks contrary to popular belief) and took my new, slightly crazy dog for a walk. Here’s to a new day.