My natural habitat

Audrey started basketball games this week. I love watching her play. She seems so at home on the court. She is fierce, competitive, encouraging, a team player, and strong. My favorite moment was when she knocked a girl over going for a ball and then immediately turned to the girl and offered her a hand up. So my Audrey...fierce AND kind. She is constantly encouraging her teammates. I love Saturdays when I am not working and can watch. All of her best qualities are on display on the court.

It's the same experience for me walking with Mason on the golf course. My love for golf is directly tied to this kid. I would walk for hours happily watching him play. He is so content on the course - focused, competitive, calm (mostly), joyful and kind to those he plays alongside. He is in his zone and I love being a witness to it.

When I think about where I am most myself - where I feel most fulfilled and, generally, my best qualities are on display, I have two opposing places. One is at work. I love being a nurse. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is part of who I am and what I was meant to be. I know this without a doubt. I love working alongside smart, fun, kind people who have the same goal in mind. I love the mental and emotional challenge that caring for people provides. I don't love the recent fight or flight state I currently find myself in often at work but that will resolve one way or another. In general, if you want to see me in my element, it is on the second floor of Providence Newberg.

But, I have a second, equally important place that makes me feel whole. I am happy and content outside....usually in some forest and on some trail. My thoughts are quieted and all the energy that has been sucked out of my introverted self at work is restored. I can walk for hours. Sometimes I am with people but more often I am with my four legged friend or alone. Walking alongside a creek or through the trees calms my crazy soul. I also love the physical challenge of seeing how far I can push myself. There is nothing better at the end of the day than laying down with tired muscles that have been worked thoroughly and made stronger. I have found more and more that after a few days of work, I am considering which hike I can fit into the week. I need the balance. The time in the woods make me feel like I can again return to the rest of life.

Maybe my places won't always remain the same. I'm okay with that. I am 100% up for evolving. I don't want to be the same at the end of the year as I am now. Just today I was told I am too critical. I am at times. Always work to be done. But, I need to find and recognize those places. I need to see where I feel most comfortable and myself and make sure I show up there, again and again. And, if the places where my kids feel most comfortable now, change, I need to support them to help them find where they fit. Life is hard. We have to have places we can be that are wholly us, to recharge and shine so we can keep showing up for all the rest.