My beautiful, kind Audrey

I was talking about Audrey a few weeks back and a coworker said in surprise, "You have a daughter? I thought you only had a son." Ouch. I felt like she had punched me in the gut. She was genuinely surprised and did not mean her statement to hurt. Clearly we aren't that close or she would have known about Audrey but it definitely got me to thinking. I don't want either of my kids to feel less important than the other or that they get more of my time and attention. This year was Mason's first year of high school and high school golf was a regular event for the two of us during spring. I know I talked about both quite a bit.

But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I probably don't talk or share as much openly about Audrey right now. Audrey turns 13 this month. If you have ever been a teenage girl, you will appreciate what a tenuous time it is. Things can be especially dicey with your parents. I was a good kid. I was (still am) a rule follower and didn't give my parents much to worry about....except when I was in middle school. I became friends for a brief time with rule breakers, pushed the limits more than I had before and wasn't the kind, thoughtful kid that my parents thought they had. It was a brief period. I think I grew out of it mostly by the time I was 14 but, I am sure in the interim, I caused my parents some stress.

I can't speak to what it is like to be a pre-teen/teenage boy but I KNOW it's hard to be a girl of this age. Pressure to fit in, dress a certain way, look a certain way, have certain friends, declare yourself in a sport, etc. etc. As if the pressure wasn't enough, you get to see on social media EVERY DAY the activities that you aren't being included in. I venture to say that it is even harder to be a teenage girl now than it was when I was young.

I do talk to some people about Audrey in depth - but these tend to be the friends that also have girls at this age. We share stories, suggestions, tips. They get it when I am at work and call home to find out that Audrey may or may not be at the mall with a girl I don't really know and parents I have never met. They let me freak out for a minute and give me some space to get it all sorted out before I lose my marbles. These friends know that your teenage girl can love you one minute and think you are a close relative of the devil the next. It's like a secret society - those of us parenting teenage girls. Outsiders see our kids as angels - and they are - to everyone that doesn't share the same last name. But, we know (hopefully) it is just a passing phase. There is so much pressure at school and in the world. They put on their brave face every morning to go out and face these pressures and it takes all of their kindness and braveness to stay afloat. When they get home, to their safe place and people, they are sometimes exhausted. The kindness may be momentarily lost.

I get it even if I don't always like it. I am glad my kids are kind, caring and loving people out in this world. We need more. I also get that when they come home and feel safe and loved and let their guard down, they might snarl and be less than delightful. This age is HARD. I get frustrated but I am trying to give grace. And when I don't give grace and snarl back, I ask for grace.

SO, yes, I have two remarkable kids whom I adore. I might talk about one more at times than the other but not because I am partial to one. I love them both more than life itself and appreciate that as they grow up, some phases of their life are more for sharing than others and I am trying to honor that.