I just got back from the grocery store. I'm not a huge fan of ANY type of shopping but find the family starts to complain when we are out of such things as say...milk. And, being out of bananas is pretty much a crisis for Mason since he eats at least two a day. So, I went. It was fine...until the nice, young checker asked me what I had going on the rest of the day. I know...it's his job to be friendly and engage in conversation but why does this question make me feel bad about what I really have going on the rest of the day? I feel like I quickly need to think of something amazing to say. I'm going ROCK CLIMBING or SNOWSHOEING or maybe going to a soup kitchen to provide meals to the needy. But, I'm not. I'm going home, unloading my groceries, starting on my taxes and hanging out with my dog. That's the reality. I think I just left it as "nothing too exciting" but I did leave feeling bad about my plans.
You know why I don't get the Dutch Bros. craze? Well, for one, I am not a huge fan of their coffee. I know some people will take offense, but, not my taste. The other reason? I don't want a perky teenager walking up to my car window and, in addition to taking my order, asking me what I'm up to. Is my introverted nature shining through? Again, I feel like I have to have an amazing response. My favorite coffee shop? Symposium in Sherwood. I love the coffee and, usually, instead of asking me what I have going on the rest of the day, they will either not make small talk or I learn something random. Today the barista asked me if I knew the definition of a cephalopod. I couldn't remember (an active predatory mollusk, such as an octopus, for those interested) but that's my kind of conversation. We then talked about biology, I learned that his sister is an RN and he dislikes science, they handed me my beautifully designed mocha, and sent me on my way. Perfect.
I know I have mentioned before that small talk really isn't my thing. I would rather talk to you about how your day is really going than the rain. I try not to ask someone how they are unless I am really prepared for them to not just say "fine" but instead tell me about a health ailment or personal concern. If I'm asking you, feel free to unload. Really. Or test my knowledge on the animal kingdom.
I understand that my feeling bad that I didn't have something exciting going on this afternoon is my issue. I get that. The friendly checker was just doing his job. That's why I spared him any commentary. I don't know why I have this need to feel interesting and impressive. Quite frankly, my quiet day is exactly what I needed. I was left a little emotionally bruised from work this week. Between an unexpected patient outcome,verbal insults and some condescension, I need a quiet afternoon doing uninteresting things with Annie at my feet. The words sent my way at work weren't personal - I know this in my head. The people speaking them do not know me. They would have shared their unhappiness with anyone in their path at the time..it just happened to be me.
Here's the thing I have learned about my extra sensitive, extra feeling self....I take the words personally anyway no matter how hard I try. So, I usually need a little bit of time to right myself before jumping in again. I just need to remind myself that it's okay. Everyone has different things that they need and if mine is doing taxes while listening to Adam Levine, then so be it.
I am going to come up with some brilliant response to "what do you have going on the rest of the afternoon?" at some point or I am just going to feel great about saying "nothing". Maybe the next time I get asked, I will just start talking about cephalopods....my new favorite word.
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