I stole this quote from Audrey that one of her favorite teachers uses. I just know pieces of the original story but it seems an appropriate quote right now.
Damn. What a world right now. I had to actually ask my family for toilet paper the other day. I passed up a rare sighting of toilet paper at Costco a few weeks back because, even though I was aware of the hoarding and this rare find, it didn't seem right for me, a family of sometimes one, sometimes three, to take 30 rolls of toilet paper. But then, when I did need some...none to be found. Joke is on me. No worries, I'm set again for a bit and probably won't pass it over next time I see it at Costco.
I am not ignorant of the news but I try to limit my intake. I am going to work as normal. Work is slightly less busy as those treatments that aren't time sensitive are being put off -but that just means a few less people a day. Most oncology patients need their chemotherapy regularly. So, we continue on as we do - just sharing exchanges through masks and talking about some of the anxiety and fears that come along with the virus. The hardest change at work has been that visitors aren't allowed any more in the infusion room with very few exceptions. This means that people are getting their treatments alone. While my job at times can be easier without family members and I do cherish the one on one conversations I get to have when it is just me and the patient, I can't be by their side the entire treatment. Sometimes it looks a bit lonely when they are with us for hours. Also, they sometimes tell me I am the only person they have seen in a couple weeks. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PRESSURE THAT IS? I feel like I need to learn some magic tricks or something to live up to the expectation they must have of their ONE human interaction for weeks.
Even though my work continues mostly as normal, preparations are being made. The OHSU infusion clinic downtown has opened a unit to treat oncology patients that also have Covid-19 or are being ruled out. They need to be separate from the immunocompromised population without the virus. I know other health systems are also making preparations for a possible influx of Covid-19 patients and how to treat them, keep those patients not positive safe all the while keeping themselves safe. I worry about my friends and family at Providence Newberg and other hospitals. I know they have cared for patients who are positive. I pray daily that they are protected physically and mentally during this time.
At times I have had the crazy feeling that I wish I was still working alongside them. Leaving was a good decision for me but during this crisis, there is something comforting about working alongside the people that know you so well and where you feel your skills are best utilized. But, I just keep trying to be open to whatever is in store for me. Earlier this week, we got an email at work looking for volunteers to float to the waterfront clinic because, if they staff the Covid infusion unit, they will have some holes that need to be filled on their general unit. So, I raised my hand. I don't like change and have had more than my fill the past year. But, I was just feeling underutilized and like I needed to be open. And then I got this email. I just finished my first day cross training today. The staff was very welcoming and lovely. I don't know if I will be needed or not but I am willing. And...showing up is more than half the battle.
But I have to tell you how it is that I can raise my hand and volunteer for something that is hard. It is because of the people in my life. It is because of you. People are willingly agreeing to stay in their home and self isolate to give me and all the healthcare providers a chance. Willing to not meet with loved ones to protect the vulnerable, immunocompromised people that I have the privilege to see every day. I can raise my hand because the texts I get daily asking me if I am okay and what I need. I have been fed the past two nights by my beautiful friend leaving meals for me - including the nacho making kit pictured above. I receive pictures of my other friends' adorable baby niece regularly because he knows I need to see something innocent and good. Audrey sets her alarm some days so she can quote Dr. McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy and remind me "it's a beautiful day to save lives" before I go to work. It is because of my beautiful community that when asked, I will jump up and down and say, I will. I can because I have a community who fills me up. Thank you. I don't know how long this will last but in the end, I am pretty sure it will be okay.
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