Who Needs Red Bull?

As it turns out, living with two middle schools means my body is in a constant state of "fight or flight." My sympathetic nervous system is in overdrive. I don't think, in general, this much adrenaline is good for my body. I should give up caffeine to mitigate some of the effects, but, I can't. I have decided that just before Mason walks through the door after school, I am going to start holding on to something stable, like a counter, just to maintain balance.


Yesterday, he came in and the first thing he says to me ... "It's probably a bad idea to text and ride my bike at the same time, right?" Mason is crazy smart. He knows I'm not going to be okay with this. He asks anyway. I have a hard time letting him ride his bike to and from school as it is because I know looking both ways before crossing is STILL something he hasn't mastered. So, the texting and biking was not welcome news. I made him write (legibly - which is a challenge), three reasons why biking and texting is not a good idea. These confessions and questions come fast and furious these days, hence the adrenaline overdrive.


After a long day of work, I jumped in the shower. Pretty soon I hear a frantic knowing on the bathroom door. "Mom!!! Three girls want to face time me. Is that okay??" Um...no...never. Haven't we had the "no dates until you are 25" conversation? But, instead..."I guess so?" as I quickly finish my shower to at least chaperone the conversation. It was fine. All nice kids but I AM NOT READY FOR THIS. PLEASE STOP ASKING ME HARD QUESTIONS.


I intentionally have chosen not to pursue emergency department nursing. I am not an adrenaline junky. I am a planner. I like to know what is happening, within reason. At least on my medical-surgical floor I get a short report on the patient I am about to receive. There are always surprises - which I do my best to roll with - but at least I have some background. When you work in the Emergency Room you never now if a kid with a sliver or an adult in cardiac arrest is coming through those doors. I know people who love the excitement, energy and unknown. Not me.


So, who knew I would have to triage in my own house. Nobody prepared me for this. I had a patient ask me the ages of my kids the other day. He was about 20 years older than I am. When I told him, he chuckled. And then I asked him, "am I going to survive?" His response..."are you a drinker?" Yep and let's hope not a heavy one by the time the kids leave home.

Closing the Chapter

I finished a book last night so I am mourning a bit today. I always feel a bit of a loss when I have finished a good book. I only read right before I go to bed so often I fall asleep before I have read more than a couple of pages Consequently, it takes me a LONG time to finish a book. Long enough that the characters start to feel familiar and important hence the sense of loss when they are gone. I really stretched out the ending of this one. I was reading on my ipad so when I hit 90% I only finished a couple of percentage points a night to prolong the inevitable.

I read fiction. My mom is trying to get me to read a couple of non-fiction books right now including Mortal Beings. Here's the thing. I read to escape. I LIVE in non-fiction and I find it REALLY, REALLY HARD. Why would I want to continue that in my reading? There are 100 things I could improve on in my life -  my faith, my parenting, my marriage. There are a myriad of great books to address each of these issues but I can't read them right now. I find real life exhausting. As an introvert who internalizes and agonizes more than she should about EVERYTHING, I need some down time. A girl needs a little bit of fun and escape every now and again. Reading allows me a break from worrying about my precious, fragile 11-year old who is adjusting to middle school and the highs and lows that come with it. A break from thinking about the hard conversation I had with my son about inappropriate internet usage. An escape from agonizing over the patients that died, wanted to die or were in an intense amount of pain despite my best efforts.

I am not great at relaxing. Mason's need for constant motion probably came mostly from me. I took my first bath in probably a year and only afforded myself that luxury because I had a bit of an adverse reaction from the flu shot and my muscles were really achy. Reading is one of the only things I slow down enough to enjoy. I get caught up in the stories, the drama and the relationships. I prefer a real live book as opposed to electronic but sometimes I am just too impatient to wait until I can get to the library or bookstore.

So today I will close the chapter on Letty, Alex and Luna and await my next adventure. Welcoming any suggestions that don't include the words "How to..."