My tween daughter's mood went from sunny and happy to gloomy and dark in the time between when she got up until she went to school - a record 45 minutes. I have NO idea what happened in between. Everything seemed pretty normal - breakfast, playing with the dog, etc. She couldn't explain it either but as I drove her to school her entire body was turned away from me towards the door. Um...could you physically get any farther from me? I shot one of my dear friends a text and told her I was pretty sure I wasn't going to survive puberty. She assured me that she was right there with me with her 8th grader and somehow, we would muddle through. Reinforcements. Whew.
I love words. My favorite kid show when my two were little was Word Girl. Brilliant. A female superhero that used the power of words to get her out of jams. I wish I had come up with that idea - although instead of getting me out of jams, lately they are getting me in a bit of trouble.
Audrey is playing in a more competitive basketball league this year. Neither of my kids by nature is super competitive or aggressive. It has taken Audrey a little bit longer than some of her teammates to tap into her inner beast. After watching a game where she shied away from rebound after rebound ( a bummer because she is the tallest on her team...hence the closet to the basket), I decide to broach the subject. Now, I have lived with this sweet girl for 10 years. I know how sensitive she is so usually I TRY to keep my mouth shut when it comes to suggestion and thoughts on how to up her game. I try to leave that to the coaches. For some reason I decided to go out on a limb. I offered her cash for her rebounds. It's true...I am not above bribing to get them over the hump of something they might be intimidated by. I offered this same deal to Mason a few years ago when it seemed he could use a little nudge and he ate it up. He was all about the cash and after a few games, he was less intimidated and more inclined to get in there and try for the ball.
When I offered this deal to Audrey, she immediately burst into tears. She sobbed that I was telling her she wasn't good enough or doing it right. Rats. Backfired. I spent the next 10 minutes telling her how proud I was of her for being out there and apologizing for offering the deal (true on both accounts). I resolved to never bring it up again and once again leave the coaching to the very competent coaches. In the car on our way to the next game Audrey asked if we could still do the $ for rebound deal. Ummm...okay? Since it was her idea this time, it was all good. She had more rebounds that game then I had seen this season and I was out a couple of bucks.
I think the next several years is going to be an exercise in holding my tongue...and it isn't going to be easy. This is something that will serve me well at work as well as home. It is possible that sometimes, towards the end of the 12 hour shift at work I might have less restraint than I do in the morning. I may have told a patient the other day that he had a bad attitude after he yelled at me and the C.N.A. I also don't tend to respond well when Michael has an occasional work conflict that interferes with what feels like our very fragile schedule. Even though I know we will work it out, my initial reaction is usually less than lovely.
Exercising restraint is something I am able to do only about 70% of the time and as I head into the uncertain years of hormones and unpredictability, I am going to need to up my percentage. I think this may directly relate to an increase in coffee, wine and runs. Stay tuned.
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