Heart Breaker

A man broke my heart on Valentine’s Day. Fortunately, it wasn’t my husband but an elderly gentleman I had the pleasure of taking care of. I woke up early Valentine’s Day, donned my awesome new heart scrub top from my valentine and drove to work. Let’s pause… I woke up IN THE MORNING and DROVE TO WORK. Wow. How good does that feel? I am a full fledged day shift worker like the majority of the population. Hallelujah. A few people have asked me how I like day shift. I LOVE IT!!!! I miss my night shift peeps but I love working during the day and not trying to sleep when people are mowing the lawn, dogs are barking, kids are playing. It has been an adjustment – do you know how many people are in the hospital during the day? Wow! But, a very good adjustment. I am maybe a tad nicer, probably just as sarcastic but so much better rested. Okay, I digress.

Valentine’s Day, I had my usual load of 4-5 patients but this one particular patient stood out. He was extremely kind and polite. I reminded him it was Valentine’s Day so he wouldn’t get in trouble when his wife of 50+ years arrived later. He was a pleasure to be around – a very sweet, interesting man. A man who was also having to adjust to a new diagnosis of a devastating terminal illness that explained some of the seemingly benign symptoms that had been creeping up the past few weeks. In the midst of the news, that seemed to get worse with each additional x-ray and MRI, he smiled, appeared strong and never lost his manners. He never wanted to trouble me. I don’t think he put on his call light even once during the days I cared for him. I would just check on him regularly because I knew he wouldn’t ask for anything.

During a brief pause in visitors, I ordered his meal and had it brought up – not thinking anything of it. When I checked on him a short while later, he had made quite a mess with his food. His aliments were now preventing him from feeding himself well. He was too proud and fiercely independent to ask for help. When I asked him if I could assist, he said he didn’t want to trouble me and would be fine. After busying myself for a few minutes and seeing him continue to struggle, I walked over, picked up the fork and suggested that I just help him with the harder stuff. He seemed a little relieved and let me.

We had several similar interactions during our time together. He remained the together, strong, patriarch during his family visits but I glimpsed tears in his eyes when it was just he and the doctor discussing results and prognoses. He never failed to thank me or anyone else for our service, no matter how small. His dinner arrived late at the end of our time together. I had left some time at the end of my shift so I could help him eat. All his visitors were gone. His dinner arrived right as the night shift came on. 

I tried to hurriedly give report so I could return and give him his dinner. I helped him for a few minutes but realized that Mason’s basketball practice would be ending and I needed to pick him up. I was torn. I didn’t want to let either down. Ultimately, I realized the 11 year old needed me more and I encouraged my patient to please call for help if he wasn’t able to manage the rest of his dinner. He assured me that he would be fine and he “didn’t want to be a bother to anyone.” Sweet, sweet man who I imagine I will never see again. You broke my heart this Valentine’s Day as you tried to continue to care for those around you as your body failed. It was an honor to spend my Valentine’s Day with you.