Love Heals

This is not the original post I wrote for today. My thoughts on IV drug use didn’t scream “LOVE.” I will save it.

My little people look forward to Valentine’s Day with eager anticipation. They LOVE making their valentine boxes. They select with care the Valentine’s they will hand out at school. This year we have an assortment of Angry Birds, Mad Libs, sports and cupcake cards complete with erasers. My eldest is a little more careful which Valentine he selects for the girls. I did notice that a particular girl got the princess valentine. I know other people that dread Valentine’s Day. I have a dear friend who had a rough Valentine’s Day early on with her love. Since that fateful holiday, they have just agreed to kind of skip over it. It works for them. They are very good about letting each other know they care the other 364 days. I go both ways on the day. I have been married long enough to know that it is just better to be straightforward about expectations. I told Michael about a week ago that I got him a card AND a gift. This lets him know that it is not just a card holiday.  I am not asking for diamonds – just a box of chocolates – or a bag of M&M’s. I am not a fancy girl.

Regardless of how you feel about this holiday of love, one of the important lessons I have learned from being a nurse for 5 months is that love really can heal. The unselfish, kind, caring love has more healing properties than just about any medication I can give you. I have seen it.

I had a lovely patient a few weeks back. She was about 75 and had a minor stroke. By the time she was my patient, many of her symptoms had resolved. Her very sweet, dapper husband was in the room with her and looked like he had made the pull out couch into his home for the past few days. I couldn’t help but notice as I assessed her skin that she looked tan…REALLY tan next to my pale, Oregon, night-shift working skin. “Where have you been?” I asked her. “Florida, Hawaii, St. Lucia and we are heading to Palm Springs in a week so I really need to get out of here,” was her reply. She and her husband were tanned, toned and very kind. They had been together a long time. Their story unfolded the more time I spent with her. She really needed to get better. Her husband, who was 91 but looked 65, had mild dementia. He was staying with her in the hospital because he couldn’t really stay by himself safely. He also just wanted to be with her. She was well on her way to discharge and getting better because he needed her. I got the sense she would be lost without him too. I have no doubt they will be toasting Valentine’s Day somewhere warm today. I hope they have at least 10 more years together to bask in their love and the sun. 

Another patient of mine around the same time was a man about my age who had a reoccurring brain tumor. He was on my unit recovering from the removal of part of the tumor. His odds of survival aren’t great. As I was looking at his chart I commented that he had an upcoming birthday – Valentine’s Day. His comment to me: “yeah, if I make it that long.” I was silent. Sadly, it was a realistic comment. He really might not be among us today. What really struck me was his mom. It must be hard to see your baby in the hospital…even when your baby is well beyond their teen years. All night she slept in the chair next to her son’s bed. When I asked her if she knew that the couch by the window folded out into a bed she said she did but her son gets confused at night and he feels better with her in the chair right by his bed. She looked really uncomfortable sleeping in the chair that night but she wouldn’t have been anywhere else. She knew her time left with her son was most likely very limited and she was going to make the most of it. Her love couldn’t cure her son’s tumor but her love could heal the loneliness and fear that he was experiencing. 

I have seen concerned loved ones walking the halls of the hospital at night, sleeping on the couch or in the chair beside their loved ones and crying on phones outside of hospital rooms and I believe love really does heal. Love makes you braver, stronger and makes the unknown journey possible.

Whatever your celebration holds today –heart-shaped pizza, flowers, paper hearts – remember that your love can be healing. Happy Valentine’s Day.