Back to School Palpitations

My heart walked through the high school doors yesterday. I have a high schooler. I have been looking at all the obligatory back to school photos, loving them, and feeling a bit nostalgic, excited and anxious all at once. I wonder about the stories behind all of the photos. Mine showed two exceptionally good looking, smart, excited kids (totally not biased). Mostly they are looking forward to reconnecting with their friends and getting back to some of the sports and activities they have been missing - not so much the homework. But, behind the smiles, I know there is some anxiety about the homework load, friends who may have changed over the summer and not being able to sleep in or have as much golf time as we did this summer.

I have had a few friends check in with me because they know me well enough to know that having a high schooler probably freaks me out. It does. I am more of an internal freak out person than external so no, I wasn't the mom who shed tears as Mason got out of the car. He is  a good kid. I believe he will be okay. I like his friends. He has a girlfriend that is smart, kind and loves to read. Yes, I said girlfriend. When I was texting my friend that Mason and his girlfriend went to Barnes and Noble, she asked me if backpack didn't autocorrect to girlfriend. No. it's true. I would freak out about this if she wasn't so sweet and I hadn't had two months to get used to the idea.

So. yesterday morning, I heard Mason rustling around at 6 am eating his breakfast and reading the paper. I got up and we chatted. I thought about going for a run but decided on this momentous day, I would rather make him eggs and be nervous, fidgety and a bit spazzy with him. He wasn't excited that the first day was filled with welcome activities. He told me he would rather just start his classes and get on with it. Totally my kid. We want the hard, awkward part to be over and just be in the middle of it when everything is comfortable.

I think this is the first year that I wasn't as excited for school to start. Our summer went really fast. When I look back at it, I can't remember too much that happened except A TON OF GOLF. I must have walked miles on various golf courses around the state. But, we had fun. Mason and Audrey have a good relationship and seem to enjoy each other's company. Most of the time, I enjoy being around them. Don't get me wrong, it's not all sunshine, unicorn and roses but generally, I like the people they are and are becoming. I am glad they will be at school for the simple fact that I worry more about them when I am at work and they are just at home for hours than when they are at school.

I don't know what this year holds. I am sure there will be more drama than I want and hard choices that we have to face along the way. But, as my friend Jenny quoted to me from one of our favorite writers, Glennon Doyle Melton, "we can do hard things." I believe this. I believe I can do the hard things I need to do this year. I also believe that my kids can and will too. When Mason was getting out of the car for his first day of high school he turned and said, "love you, mom." Love you, too superstar. You've got this.