Being Here

I just finished an amazing book. I probably say that a fair bit but I hardly ever say it about a nonfiction book. So, this is a REALLY amazing book – How to be Here by Rob Bell. I blew through it and on almost every other page I found myself nodding my head and his thoughts totally resonating with me and where I’m at right now. He doesn’t waste time with a lot of ancillary details and just gets to the point – not necessarily one of my strong suits but I totally appreciate that about him as an author.

Some days it is easier to be HERE than others. This past Sunday I walked with my kids as they played golf. The weather was amazing, they were both having a great time and my only responsibilities were walking, sunscreening and hydrating. Easy to be present. Last week I met a friend at my favorite coffee shop, we sat outside and chatted and then walked Annie. Easy to be here.

A week or so ago I found myself in the midst of a code gray that was unfolding at work. A code gray is indicative of an aggressive patient or visitor. They aren’t fun to be a part of because tensions are heightened and there is the potential for someone to get hurt. Security arrived and everything resolved well, but, a little harder to embrace the present and realize there is something to be learned from the experience. Same can be said when I am with a patient that is taking a turn for the worse or gets a difficult diagnosis. It is so important to stay present and be available but challenging when emotions run high.

These middle school years can be a roller coaster. When things are good – kids are talking to us, getting along with their friends, feeling confident in school and relationships, it can be fun and energizing to be around them. When they are talking back, complaining about our electronic restrictions or feeling left out, it’s hard not to wish some of this time away. That’s why this book was so timely. It was a good reminder that being here, in the present, is critical for so many reasons. In his book Bell says, … “there is a question that you can ask about the things that have come your way that you didn’t want. It’s a question rooted in a proper understanding of the world, a question we have to ask ourselves continually through our lives: what new and good thing is going to come out of even this?”

Audrey is at outdoor school. Honestly, I really miss her. She brings such a fun, sweet, silly dynamic to our crazy bunch. She has lamented about going to outdoor school for two years – since Mason went and had a less than awesome time. At first she was on the fence about going. Neither of my kids get really excited about spending time away. I’m not sure why. I would think they could use a break from us, but for whatever reason, going away has not been their thing. She decided to go but has been very nervxcited (her new word) for the past two weeks. There may have been some tears. But, now she is there. Instead of just wishing this week would pass by quickly so I know she’s okay and she can be through the hard part, I hope both of us can be present in the here. I think she will be proud of herself for conquering a fear and may really enjoy her time with friends at the beach. I am trying to remain present and enjoy the extra time I get to spend with just Mason.

So, this is one of the big things I am working on right now. Trying to not wish this time or the hard experiences away but staying present for the good and the difficult. Rob Bell says it better than I can, “While we grieve and feel and lament and express whatever is brewing within us, a truth courses through the veins of all our bumps and bruises, and it is this: We have received. You’re here, you’re breathing and you have received a gift, a generous, extraordinary, mysterious, inexplicable gift.”