Both my kids are on Instagram. Audrey wanted either Instagram or a phone for Christmas. After debating both, we decided to try Instagram because we felt we could control it a little more..oh, and she is 10. So, option C for Christmas, neither, was a consideration too. But, we decided to give it a try and here we are.
Before letting either of my kids get an account, I had to open one, check it out, find all the privacy buttons and figure out how it worked. This is one of my least favorite parts of kids and technology. It feels almost impossible to stay ahead of them and I think I may have lost the battle before we ever really started. Mason was telling me some other social media kids are into and I had never heard of a couple. I can't give up the fight though and here is why...
At my house, we have some rules in place related to electronics. One of these rules involves mom's ability to pick up your phone or ipod at any time and see what's on it. Every now and again I check their instagram accounts, texts, calls, etc. I feel a little funny doing it but I know for a fact that all the synapses in their brains ARE NOT FUNCTIONING. I don't know what age most of the connections are complete but it is definitely not by 10 and 12. Internet privacy from their parents is not something they are allowed yet. We can revisit when they are 20.
Most of the stuff I find is harmless...sometimes mind numbing. Audrey had a friend that texted her the entire alphabet...one letter at a time. Whew. But what I found yesterday was alarming. If you have a kid on instagram, you may have seen the "20 Beautiful Girls" post going around. I hadn't heard of it until yesterday but I am usually behind in just about everything. What I gather is a girl takes a selfie and then nominates "20 beautiful girls" from her follower list to do the same...and on it goes. My heart sank when I saw post after post of Audrey's friends and their selfies. You know the problem right? First, let me remind you...they are 10 YEARS OLD. Oh, and if that isn't enough, you know each girl has more than 20 friends that are girls among their followers. That means some kids are getting left out. If that wasn't bad enough they are often saying how many times they were nominated as beautiful girls.
I felt sick to my stomach. Before Audrey and I read before bed (yes, I will probably still read to them until they are 18. I get to read the coolest books this way), I asked her to tell me about the whole 20 beautiful girl thing. She told me pretty much what I had already figured out as well as that she was nominated a few times. I told her that she is beautiful inside and out and that will not change no matter how many times she gets nominated. Instagram and her friends do not determine her beauty. We had a good talk. I told her I really didn't want her to play along. She had already thought about the fact that she had more than 20 girlfriends as followers and how the others would feel. She decided that if she did do it, she could include all of them anyway. I do appreciate that she had already considered feelings. We left it with steering clear of it for the moment and if she wanted to talk about it more we could.
We had a really good discussion. I reaffirmed all the awesome qualities she has that make her beautiful including her kindness and compassion. When I left her room she was smiling and said "Mom, you are so full of compliments tonight. It's nice." Oh my sweet girl...I am going to work on being full of compliments every night to combat what is happening on social media. Please have this conversation with your kids. It's hard enough to be a kid and trying to figure out where you fit in...it is even harder with social media when you are measuring yourself by how many likes you get or how many people nominate you for being beautiful. Ugh.
For the record, you do not have to "like" my post. You do not have to nominate me as one of your 20 beautiful girls, average women or quirkiest acquaintances. Like I am encouraging Audrey to do, I am going to try my best to not find my worth in social media.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Friday, February 6, 2015
Biting my Tongue
My tween daughter's mood went from sunny and happy to gloomy and dark in the time between when she got up until she went to school - a record 45 minutes. I have NO idea what happened in between. Everything seemed pretty normal - breakfast, playing with the dog, etc. She couldn't explain it either but as I drove her to school her entire body was turned away from me towards the door. Um...could you physically get any farther from me? I shot one of my dear friends a text and told her I was pretty sure I wasn't going to survive puberty. She assured me that she was right there with me with her 8th grader and somehow, we would muddle through. Reinforcements. Whew.
I love words. My favorite kid show when my two were little was Word Girl. Brilliant. A female superhero that used the power of words to get her out of jams. I wish I had come up with that idea - although instead of getting me out of jams, lately they are getting me in a bit of trouble.
Audrey is playing in a more competitive basketball league this year. Neither of my kids by nature is super competitive or aggressive. It has taken Audrey a little bit longer than some of her teammates to tap into her inner beast. After watching a game where she shied away from rebound after rebound ( a bummer because she is the tallest on her team...hence the closet to the basket), I decide to broach the subject. Now, I have lived with this sweet girl for 10 years. I know how sensitive she is so usually I TRY to keep my mouth shut when it comes to suggestion and thoughts on how to up her game. I try to leave that to the coaches. For some reason I decided to go out on a limb. I offered her cash for her rebounds. It's true...I am not above bribing to get them over the hump of something they might be intimidated by. I offered this same deal to Mason a few years ago when it seemed he could use a little nudge and he ate it up. He was all about the cash and after a few games, he was less intimidated and more inclined to get in there and try for the ball.
When I offered this deal to Audrey, she immediately burst into tears. She sobbed that I was telling her she wasn't good enough or doing it right. Rats. Backfired. I spent the next 10 minutes telling her how proud I was of her for being out there and apologizing for offering the deal (true on both accounts). I resolved to never bring it up again and once again leave the coaching to the very competent coaches. In the car on our way to the next game Audrey asked if we could still do the $ for rebound deal. Ummm...okay? Since it was her idea this time, it was all good. She had more rebounds that game then I had seen this season and I was out a couple of bucks.
I think the next several years is going to be an exercise in holding my tongue...and it isn't going to be easy. This is something that will serve me well at work as well as home. It is possible that sometimes, towards the end of the 12 hour shift at work I might have less restraint than I do in the morning. I may have told a patient the other day that he had a bad attitude after he yelled at me and the C.N.A. I also don't tend to respond well when Michael has an occasional work conflict that interferes with what feels like our very fragile schedule. Even though I know we will work it out, my initial reaction is usually less than lovely.
Exercising restraint is something I am able to do only about 70% of the time and as I head into the uncertain years of hormones and unpredictability, I am going to need to up my percentage. I think this may directly relate to an increase in coffee, wine and runs. Stay tuned.
I love words. My favorite kid show when my two were little was Word Girl. Brilliant. A female superhero that used the power of words to get her out of jams. I wish I had come up with that idea - although instead of getting me out of jams, lately they are getting me in a bit of trouble.
Audrey is playing in a more competitive basketball league this year. Neither of my kids by nature is super competitive or aggressive. It has taken Audrey a little bit longer than some of her teammates to tap into her inner beast. After watching a game where she shied away from rebound after rebound ( a bummer because she is the tallest on her team...hence the closet to the basket), I decide to broach the subject. Now, I have lived with this sweet girl for 10 years. I know how sensitive she is so usually I TRY to keep my mouth shut when it comes to suggestion and thoughts on how to up her game. I try to leave that to the coaches. For some reason I decided to go out on a limb. I offered her cash for her rebounds. It's true...I am not above bribing to get them over the hump of something they might be intimidated by. I offered this same deal to Mason a few years ago when it seemed he could use a little nudge and he ate it up. He was all about the cash and after a few games, he was less intimidated and more inclined to get in there and try for the ball.
When I offered this deal to Audrey, she immediately burst into tears. She sobbed that I was telling her she wasn't good enough or doing it right. Rats. Backfired. I spent the next 10 minutes telling her how proud I was of her for being out there and apologizing for offering the deal (true on both accounts). I resolved to never bring it up again and once again leave the coaching to the very competent coaches. In the car on our way to the next game Audrey asked if we could still do the $ for rebound deal. Ummm...okay? Since it was her idea this time, it was all good. She had more rebounds that game then I had seen this season and I was out a couple of bucks.
I think the next several years is going to be an exercise in holding my tongue...and it isn't going to be easy. This is something that will serve me well at work as well as home. It is possible that sometimes, towards the end of the 12 hour shift at work I might have less restraint than I do in the morning. I may have told a patient the other day that he had a bad attitude after he yelled at me and the C.N.A. I also don't tend to respond well when Michael has an occasional work conflict that interferes with what feels like our very fragile schedule. Even though I know we will work it out, my initial reaction is usually less than lovely.
Exercising restraint is something I am able to do only about 70% of the time and as I head into the uncertain years of hormones and unpredictability, I am going to need to up my percentage. I think this may directly relate to an increase in coffee, wine and runs. Stay tuned.
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