A man broke my heart on Valentine’s Day. Fortunately, it
wasn’t my husband but an elderly gentleman I had the pleasure of taking care
of. I woke up early Valentine’s Day, donned my awesome new heart scrub top from
my valentine and drove to work. Let’s pause… I woke up IN THE MORNING and DROVE
TO WORK. Wow. How good does that feel? I am a full fledged day shift worker
like the majority of the population. Hallelujah. A few people have asked me
how I like day shift. I LOVE IT!!!! I miss my night shift peeps but I love
working during the day and not trying to sleep when people are mowing the lawn,
dogs are barking, kids are playing. It has been an adjustment – do you know how
many people are in the hospital during the day? Wow! But, a very good
adjustment. I am maybe a tad nicer, probably just as sarcastic but so much
better rested. Okay, I digress.
Valentine’s Day, I had my usual load of 4-5 patients but
this one particular patient stood out. He was extremely kind and polite. I
reminded him it was Valentine’s Day so he wouldn’t get in trouble when his wife
of 50+ years arrived later. He was a pleasure to be around – a very sweet,
interesting man. A man who was also having to adjust to a new diagnosis of a devastating
terminal illness that explained some of the seemingly benign symptoms that had
been creeping up the past few weeks. In the midst of the news, that seemed to
get worse with each additional x-ray and MRI, he smiled, appeared strong and
never lost his manners. He never wanted to trouble me. I don’t think he put on
his call light even once during the days I cared for him. I would just check on
him regularly because I knew he wouldn’t ask for anything.
During a brief pause in visitors, I ordered his meal and had
it brought up – not thinking anything of it. When I checked on him a short
while later, he had made quite a mess with his food. His aliments were now
preventing him from feeding himself well. He was too proud and fiercely
independent to ask for help. When I asked him if I could assist, he said he
didn’t want to trouble me and would be fine. After busying myself for a few
minutes and seeing him continue to struggle, I walked over, picked up the fork
and suggested that I just help him with the harder stuff. He seemed a little
relieved and let me.
We had several similar interactions during our time
together. He remained the together, strong, patriarch during his family visits
but I glimpsed tears in his eyes when it was just he and the doctor discussing
results and prognoses. He never failed to thank me or anyone else for our
service, no matter how small. His dinner arrived late at the end of our time
together. I had left some time at the end of my shift so I could help him eat.
All his visitors were gone. His dinner arrived right as the night shift came
on.
I tried to hurriedly give report so I could return and give him his dinner.
I helped him for a few minutes but realized that Mason’s basketball practice
would be ending and I needed to pick him up. I was torn. I didn’t want to let
either down. Ultimately, I realized the 11 year old needed me more and I
encouraged my patient to please call for help if he wasn’t able to manage the
rest of his dinner. He assured me that he would be fine and he “didn’t want to
be a bother to anyone.” Sweet, sweet man who I imagine I will never see again.
You broke my heart this Valentine’s Day as you tried to continue to care for
those around you as your body failed. It was an honor to spend my Valentine’s
Day with you.
