Now, for those of you are on the brink of this and maybe were blessed with extra feelers, you may not want to read this. Just move along and reach out to me when it’s over for you. Because I do not want to do what I just did ever again. Ever. Don’t worry, Audrey has been alerted and will have to figure out a way to just stay home. Right now she’s just mostly hugging me and nodding.
I don’t know how one leaves part of their heart somewhere else and then walks away. How do we spend countless hours with this human....teaching them to walk, read, sleep, share, play nice, apologize, work hard and then leave them in this teeny tiny room with a stranger and walk away? This is a thing? My heart is definitely opposed to this.
This decision to go to Valparaiso University was a whirlwind. We had never seen campus before. But, we prepared, packed and planned and, on Sunday, we arrived in Chicago. After a short visit with dear friends who we are very grateful will be near Mason, Michael, Audrey, Mason and I headed to Valparaiso, Indiana. We arrived Monday. I was relieved that Mason likes the campus. It’s a very small school with a great engineering program. He got to move in ahead of most because he was part of the final orientation group. Our move in time coincided well with a powerful and violent thunderstorm. We watched from our hotel as outside got dark, the wind picked up, the rain came down wildly and our lights went out. Of course Mason was still anxious to move in. We waited until at least the winds died down and the lightning stopped because...you know...carrying golf clubs on campus in a lightning storm...
Mason got to stay two nights in his dorm with hardly anyone else there. I think that was a good option for him. He seemed more comfortable with the idea of dorm life after. A couple of years ago he told me he wasn’t sure he could move away for college. Then before I knew it he was gaining confidence and looking Midwest and East Coast. His confidence has grown so much but the extra days were helpful. Orientation was good and the golf coach fabulous.
Valparaiso is truly a great fit for Mason. He’s rooming with the other freshmen golfer who we just met. They already made plans to golf right after move in. They seem perfect for one another. Everything is right about this place for Mason. I see it. I was skeptical about their Covid precautions but after hearing several presentations I know they have thought it through. There is a chance it won’t work and Mason will be home within the month, but maybe it will? Who really knows? He is masked, covid tested and attending hybrid, in person and online classes.
So....everything should be great. Easy. This is how it’s supposed to be. But....guess what??? I found the second purpose of a mask! To hide the terrible thing my face does when it cries. Yes. Been crying regularly. Wondered if I would kick into tough mode once we got here. Nope. Not a chance. I even asked Mason to start being difficult to make it easier. Trouble is, I like the kid. Of course I love him but I also actually like him. He’s one of my favorite people to talk to. He’s funny, kind and wicked smart. He and Audrey have become even better friends with Covid and distancing. I will miss his company, his face and his hugs.
He has been feeling more apprehensive as well as excited as the time we were to leave drew nearer. I am not projecting, he told me this. New is hard. New everything even harder. But here we are. I knew we were in trouble as the day started growing late and I started crying when ANOTHER mom and her son were saying goodbye. I did not even know these people! Both kids looked at me...”mom...you okay?” Nope. We said goodbye shortly after.
Here’s the thing. I am not okay. I just said goodbye to Mason. He is one of my very favorite humans whom I have talked to or seen every day of his life. His laugh is one of my favorite sounds of all time. He is starting this next journey of his life with me cheering from the side....miles and a couple time zones away. I have had a blessed life but I have also done some hard shit and this might have been the hardest.
I WILL be okay. Mason will be great. This I just know. And this knowledge does give me some peace. For now I miss him like crazy and may have to randomly mask and sunglass up even when not necessary to work it out. I remember being told when I had my babies about the sleep, the feeding, the medical...I do not remember anyone saying ...”and then 18 years later you will send them into the world and your heart will break.” But apparently that’s what happens.
Somewhere in the last couple of years autocorrect changed a text from me to him from love you forever to lobe you forever and it stuck. We have been saying this ever since. So, my Valparaiso Crusader who is now an Indiana resident and embarking on a new journey...your momma lobes you forever. 👂♾❤️
