Gratitude and Four Crazy Women

A couple of weeks ago I said the words out loud...."I don't think I can handle one more thing." I try not to say this often. When I am in my right mind (maybe half the time?) I can list all the positives and they SIGNIFICANTLY outweigh the negatives - like it isn't even close. I know this. I was just having a moment where somethings were burying me - some unexpected minor health things, work stressors, blah blah blah. If I looked at each one individually, not a big deal. I was just feeling the weight at the moment. And then I said it...to a friend. I shouldn't have been surprised when that one more thing came knocking just a few days later. Again, alone, nothing major. I forgot about this damn spot on my arm my dermatologist had biopsied. Totally off my radar since I spend so much time in my dermatologist's office anyway. We are friends now. Anyhow, it came back cancerous. This is not the end of the world. I just need to go in, get it completely removed and up my visits to see him. I like to think he likes to see me so often because of my fabulous personality and not my crappy skin. Whatever.

This is not a big deal but it rested on top of a pile that was already getting to me. So....I gave myself an hour to cry, take a car ride with Annie, and feel sorry for myself. Then, I got to work on the list I created for myself on my 46th birthday. I made a bucket list - but just for this year. Each year is precious. I don't need a bucket list for life - nothing is guaranteed. I need one for right now. This year. It is short. I'm not going to disclose the few things that are on it. It's mostly just for me. I knew if I could start making some progress on it, I would feel better.

One of the more ambitious things on the list is hiking the Grand Canyon. I have never seen the Grand Canyon. A friend told me a few years back that she had been invited to do a rim to rim hike. I have always loved being outside and hiking so this sounded like the perfect way to see the Grand Canyon. I made a list of my friends that might be just crazy enough to join me. It's a short list. I floated the idea to one of my besties, Jenny. Always honest, her response: "I want to want to hike the Grand Canyon with you." I love her. So basically I read this as  - "please don't ask me to do this with you. I will if you need me but I don't really want to." I could probably do this myself but I don't really want to and it seems like not the safest idea. Rim to rim is 23 miles of super intense hiking with crazy elevation gains and losses. So, I looked at my short list and started a group chat with four fabulous, beautiful, smart, funny, kick-ass women.

Guess what???? THEY ALL SAID YES. We are in. Let's do it. You are crazy. Are we going to die? 

I love these women. Our common connection is the medical field. Smart move on my part. I want women who can resuscitate me or administer first aid if I need it. So we are making plans. We have training hikes planned and are going in April. I am SO EXCITED. One even convinced me to finish our trip in Vegas to celebrate our accomplishment. I have never been nor have I ever really wanted to go but I agreed. If she is crazy enough to meet us from Chicago at the Grand Canyon, I will go to Vegas with her.

Their willingness to be part of my bucket list, to love me when I don't always feel lovable, to experience life with me, caused my negatives to drop significantly. I can do all the other things again. The list of hard seems smaller at the moment. It always does when you have people who believe in you on the journey.

I am reading Anne Lamott's book "Almost Everything: Notes on Hope." She wrote this about gratitude: "Gratitude is seeing how someone changed your heart and quality of life, helped you become the good parts of the person you are." No matter what our training and hike ends up looking like, I have incredible gratitude for these four amazing women. And in this upcoming week on Thanksgiving, I am reminded of all I have to be thankful for.