Remember the presidential fitness testing we did in elementary school? I dreaded it. I was a soccer player growing up but I wouldn't say I was the most athletically gifted kid. On top of that, all the sports I have chosen thus far have been more leg related sports so my arms....not so strong. I don't remember all the components of the fitness testing but I remember the pull ups. I could never do even one. Not even close. So, I would regularly endure the shame of just hanging there until they let me get off and move on.
My kids are stronger than I ever was at their age. Part of their golf involves a couple times a week at an indoor facility. They do all sorts of exercises to make them stronger while they are there - including pull ups. So, Audrey asked for a pull up bar for her birthday. Her golf coach was so excited that he bought it for her and now it hangs in the door of our guest room....taunting me.
Even though it was Audrey's gift, everyone in the family uses it. And, everyone had to prove that they could do one when it was first brought home. I was hopeful that magically my arms had gotten stronger over the decades. To be fair, even though my primary exercise is running, I have added yoga and some limited arm stuff to the mix. So, I was hopeful that by some miracle, I could now do a pull up. Guess what? I just hung there...not even close. Audrey and Mason decided to help me out and grabbed on to my legs and pushed me upwards. It was kind of sweet and horrifying at the same time. They didn't want me to be left out.
So I rekindled my shame relationship with the pull up bar. I see it every time I come in and out of the garage - which is all the time since next to a nurse, my other job seems to be chauffeur at the moment. So, every time I passed it, I would pause and jump up and do a pull up - and hang as long as I could. Jumping I had no problem getting up to the bar...but jumping doesn't actually count. I would do it anyway - sometimes cursing when I was alone - but doing it nonetheless.
The next month I continued but didn't feel like I was making any real progress. I kept at it anyway. I am many things, stubborn is definitely one. Probably near the top of the list. I don't like not being able to do things AND I don't like asking for help. I get it - these traits are good and bad. I will try to open a jar for a LONG time with Mason, who is now bigger than me and is definitely stronger, standing next to me offering his assistance. No way. I got this. I want them to see their mom as strong and capable. I realize I might take this too far.
My kids were not going to get me to the top of the bar again. So I made a goal. I was going to be able to do a pull up before they went back to school. And guess what? A couple weeks before school started, I DID IT. I was afraid it might be a fluke -like maybe I jumped and didn't realize it. So I waited a day or so before admitted to myself that I had defeated my decades old demon. I can't do two in a row yet but that's coming. Doing multiple pulls ups doesn't seem as monumental to me. I feel like I finally redeemed the 10 year old me that had to hang there in gym class. Now I am just waiting for someone to tell me what I can't do next.
