What Lasting Impression will you Leave?

The last question in my bible study lesson this week challenged me to think about what would be said in my eulogy when my time comes. What would I want to be said? How can I align the person I am now with the person I hope I am at the end of my life? It's interesting to think about. I have been pondering this the last couple of days and then I learned that my friend's father unexpectedly died. It drove the point home even more. I am extremely sad for my friend and his family. The news also reminded me we are not promised anything more than this moment. I see it at work more than most but even still, it makes me pause.

When I tried to answer the bible study eulogy question, of course traits come to mind that you hope people associate with you - kind, generous, caring, faithful. Of course smart, witty and beautiful would be nice too but I am trying to be realistic here and make changes within my control.

After giving it some thought, what stuck with me most is that the impression I want to leave with people is that they are cared for and loved. When I think of the people that I regularly spend time with and seek out, they are the people who leave me feeling this way. Being with them makes me feel better - heard, cared for, understood. These are people who I can be messy with and they love me anyway. That's who I want to be. I want the people in my life to feel a little more loved and cared for after our time together.

Looks great in writing but in practice it is hard. Hard at home when my teen doesn't speak in more than two word sentences and is put out when you ask him to look up from his phone when you are talking to him. Hard when at work a confused patient tells you to get the **** out of his room and stop bothering him. Hard when I am tired or frustrated. It is much easier to be loving and caring to the 80 year old woman who smiles sweetly every time I enter her room. Easier with friends who have been with me for 20+ years and love me in spite of myself. It's in these times I need to fill up so that I have some reserves to be caring and loving in the more challenging times.

I have a ways to go. I'm a work in progress. I get angry too quickly, am impatient and terrible at relaxing which doesn't help my fuse. I have been known to yell at my kids, raise my voice and say things I quickly regret. BUT I AM WORKING ON IT. I may need to work a little quicker to bridge the gap between who I am now and who I hope to be since I don't know when the end will come. Don't ask my kids or Michael how it's going - remember, WORK IN PROGRESS. But, I am going to try and with the holiday season upon us, I can't think of a better time to start.