Part of my heart walked through the middle school doors today. This is not a safe place for it to be. Ugh. Audrey started sixth grade today. Mason's in 8th but has one more day of hanging out with me until he goes back. So that means a golf course day of course. But Audrey, she walked through those doors today, ready or not.
We had a great summer. I can't remember one where we got to the end and I was a little sad to see them return to school. Usually they are at each other and making me crazy by July at the latest. They are actually still getting along this year and I have lost my cool fewer times than normal (don't ask them if they agree). Mason even walked her in to school today. It was awesome. She seemed to want a little support but in 6th grade it is cooler to have your older brother next to you than your mom. Mason was happy to do it. He even seemed a little disappointed when Audrey met up with her friends at the entrance and told him he could go.
I was at church a few days back and pulled two tees and a golf pencil out of my pocket. That sums up pretty well what we have been doing this summer. We spent countless hours at various golf courses around the state - sometimes playing but mostly just watching Mason play. The best time I have had with Mason this summer has been on the course.Some tournaments I can serve as his caddie, others I can barely speak to him except to remind him to drink and sunscreen. In general, I love walking with him. Have you ever been with a kid who has found their passion? It's remarkable. Mason LOVES golf. This may not seem like a profound statement as Mason has golfed for many years already but this kid comes to life on the course. One four day stretch he had golfed over 90 holes. I was exhausted and I was just driving/walking/encouraging. On the fifth day I asked him if he was as glad as I was for the break in golf. He wasn't. He wished he was golfing.
I never thought my kids' passion would be golf. It seems unlikely considering I don't golf and Michael only does occasionally. Left to my own devices I might have picked running or a musical instrument for him. But how awesome that it isn't up to me. I love seeing what unfolds for them and brings them joy. He is learning sportsmanship, patience and etiquette along with the intricacies of the game. He has met a great group of kids that he wouldn't have otherwise. For the moment he seems to enjoy having me out there with him and he is trying to get his sister interested. It is crazy but it is so much a part of who he is, it's a joy to watch unfold.
I am realistic. When he tells me his plan is to be a professional golfer, we talk about plan B and C. He is good but there are kids better. I am not counting on a college scholarship. But, right now, this is what brings him joy and I am enjoying being a part of this process with him.
Audrey has been pretty much a rock star putting up with the constant golf talk when it doesn't appear to be her passion. She is very supportive of Mason and will even occasionally play with him or push his clubs. I don't know what Audrey's passion is yet. She likes a lot of different things. Maybe she will always be diverse in her interests and not focus in on one activity or subject. I will encourage her with whatever she wants to pursue. I love how different they are than I am. It makes life more fulfilling.
Although I wasn't ready to have two kids in middle school and Audrey seemed a bit apprehensive (we talked about it at 3 and 4 am this morning), I am glad they have each other. I think they will look out for each other and - eventually - I will catch up and realize that I can't protect them forever.
Many people are celebrating milestones this week. I have friends that have watched kids graduate from preschool, high school and even college. All of these accomplishments are significant and worth celebrating. I don't remember a big deal being made when we finished elementary school. For me, this happened in sixth grade. Everyone expects you to finish elementary. Parents don't sit around saying..."if I could just get my child through the fifth/sixth grade." I doubt my completion was met with fireworks and large gifts (sorry if it was, mom and I just don't remember). That being said, my baby was "promoted" from fifth grade today and in our house this is a HUGE FREAKIN' DEAL.
We aren't ecstatic because we weren't sure she had the smarts. Audrey does not lack in the intelligence department. She excels in math, reading and everything in between - well, maybe not geography. I asked her for a state the other day and she said England. An area to work on. No, I have never lost any sleep over Audrey and her intelligence. It is the lack of confidence and anxiety that has kept me up at night.
Audrey's kindergarten year was a blur - because most of it occurred through a haze of tears. She didn't want to go to school. She (and I) cried ALL THE TIME. She wanted to be home. She did not want to be with all these strangers navigating reading, recess and all the social interaction in between. Michael had to drive her to school for awhile to see if it would help with the separation. She seemed to cry a TINY bit less if he took her. Her teachers were patient and we were persistent. She kept going. We saw a slight improvement in first grade but there were still a lot of tears. For several years she was placed specifically in a classroom with one of her best buddies who seemed to make her feel more secure.
As the years went by, her confidence grew. By third grade she actually uttered the words "I sometimes like school." We still dealt with anxiety-related stomachaches and tears but they were much less frequent. People outside our family would express surprise that Audrey was such a funny, energetic girl once she was out of her shell. She finally was finding her stride.
This year has been awesome. She has an amazing teacher and a good group of friends. She has loved being an ambassador and even mentored a younger girl that deals with anxiety issues similar to her own. The girl who once never wanted to darken the doors of school, doesn't want to leave.
This transition will be hard for us. She continues to struggle with her nerves during times of change but I marvel at how far she has come. I love our school, the principal, teachers and all the staff who have loved on my baby for the last six years. She has gone from a sad, small five-year-old to a confident, lovely, creative 10-year-old. So, just as on the first day of school when I cried for my baby who didn't want to leave home, I cried again on this, the last day of elementary school. But the tears are different - tears of relief and pride. She had a ton of support and love along the way but she did much of the growing on her own. We watered and she grew (and grew and grew, she's 5'2" now!). So beautiful Audrey, your mama is SO proud of you. You did it.
