Last week, on an exceptionally busy morning at work, I had already been verbally assaulted by two patients and it wasn't even 8:30 am. Both had dementia on some level which makes it a bit easier to not take it personally. One called another nurse and me a less than flattering name and in the next room the patient told the CNA and me how awful we were and continued on about the poor care as we were spending twenty minutes getting her cleaned up and lifted to the chair for breakfast. As a coworker who had overheard both experiences was joking with me about my morning thus far, our amazing chaplain happened to be standing nearby. Without hesitation he said, "I have the antidote for that!" He took my hand, look me directly in the eyes and told me what he appreciates about me. He is one of the most authentic people I have had the pleasure of interacting with so his words were not lost on me. It was a moment I will never forget and a beautiful gesture. In a couple of weeks I will easily forget the names I was called by the two patients but the kindness he showed to me will remain for a very long time.
Today, I took the kids to school, went for a run and grabbed a coffee. This is my usual routine on days I'm not at work. I was feeling down and mulling over a few things....until I looked in my rear-view mirror once I arrived in my neighborhood. In the car behind me, two dogs were sticking their heads out the window as the driver stalked me to my house. It was such a great picture. My friend Susan, who always has at least two dogs attached to her at all times, realized she was driving behind me and decided to follow me home just to see how I was this morning. It took her off her path and out of her routine for a few moments but I was so grateful for the kindness AND for the image of the two happy dogs with the wind in their fur.
This time of year is hard for many people. We see it at the hospital with flu on the rise but also with mental health related visits. We hear it in the stress of the patients and families in the hall. And I hear it in my friends' voices when they list off all the things they have to do before the end of the year. WE have the antidote. Kindness. I have been the recipient of some amazing kindness lately and it is a good reminder to me to try to return the favor - even when it takes me out of my routine or takes extra time.
I am reading an AMAZING book right now. I am prolonging the ending because I hate when a good book ends. The book is Well by Sarah Thebarge. Sarah is a physician's assistant who, in her 20's nearly lost her life to breast cancer. She survived and is currently a journalist and medical professional who regularly serves on missions internationally. Her book is about her time caring and serving others in Togo, West Africa. I don't think you need to be in medicine to appreciate the message of the book (although perhaps a little graphic at times). She is only in her 30's but I want to be like her when I grow up. One of the phrases she repeats often in the book is "love looks around." So, this season I am going to try to take moments and look outside myself. To look around and try to extend even just a bit of the kindness I have been shown.
Friday, December 1, 2017
Friday, September 29, 2017
The Pull Up
Remember the presidential fitness testing we did in elementary school? I dreaded it. I was a soccer player growing up but I wouldn't say I was the most athletically gifted kid. On top of that, all the sports I have chosen thus far have been more leg related sports so my arms....not so strong. I don't remember all the components of the fitness testing but I remember the pull ups. I could never do even one. Not even close. So, I would regularly endure the shame of just hanging there until they let me get off and move on.
My kids are stronger than I ever was at their age. Part of their golf involves a couple times a week at an indoor facility. They do all sorts of exercises to make them stronger while they are there - including pull ups. So, Audrey asked for a pull up bar for her birthday. Her golf coach was so excited that he bought it for her and now it hangs in the door of our guest room....taunting me.
Even though it was Audrey's gift, everyone in the family uses it. And, everyone had to prove that they could do one when it was first brought home. I was hopeful that magically my arms had gotten stronger over the decades. To be fair, even though my primary exercise is running, I have added yoga and some limited arm stuff to the mix. So, I was hopeful that by some miracle, I could now do a pull up. Guess what? I just hung there...not even close. Audrey and Mason decided to help me out and grabbed on to my legs and pushed me upwards. It was kind of sweet and horrifying at the same time. They didn't want me to be left out.
So I rekindled my shame relationship with the pull up bar. I see it every time I come in and out of the garage - which is all the time since next to a nurse, my other job seems to be chauffeur at the moment. So, every time I passed it, I would pause and jump up and do a pull up - and hang as long as I could. Jumping I had no problem getting up to the bar...but jumping doesn't actually count. I would do it anyway - sometimes cursing when I was alone - but doing it nonetheless.
The next month I continued but didn't feel like I was making any real progress. I kept at it anyway. I am many things, stubborn is definitely one. Probably near the top of the list. I don't like not being able to do things AND I don't like asking for help. I get it - these traits are good and bad. I will try to open a jar for a LONG time with Mason, who is now bigger than me and is definitely stronger, standing next to me offering his assistance. No way. I got this. I want them to see their mom as strong and capable. I realize I might take this too far.
My kids were not going to get me to the top of the bar again. So I made a goal. I was going to be able to do a pull up before they went back to school. And guess what? A couple weeks before school started, I DID IT. I was afraid it might be a fluke -like maybe I jumped and didn't realize it. So I waited a day or so before admitted to myself that I had defeated my decades old demon. I can't do two in a row yet but that's coming. Doing multiple pulls ups doesn't seem as monumental to me. I feel like I finally redeemed the 10 year old me that had to hang there in gym class. Now I am just waiting for someone to tell me what I can't do next.
My kids are stronger than I ever was at their age. Part of their golf involves a couple times a week at an indoor facility. They do all sorts of exercises to make them stronger while they are there - including pull ups. So, Audrey asked for a pull up bar for her birthday. Her golf coach was so excited that he bought it for her and now it hangs in the door of our guest room....taunting me.
Even though it was Audrey's gift, everyone in the family uses it. And, everyone had to prove that they could do one when it was first brought home. I was hopeful that magically my arms had gotten stronger over the decades. To be fair, even though my primary exercise is running, I have added yoga and some limited arm stuff to the mix. So, I was hopeful that by some miracle, I could now do a pull up. Guess what? I just hung there...not even close. Audrey and Mason decided to help me out and grabbed on to my legs and pushed me upwards. It was kind of sweet and horrifying at the same time. They didn't want me to be left out.
So I rekindled my shame relationship with the pull up bar. I see it every time I come in and out of the garage - which is all the time since next to a nurse, my other job seems to be chauffeur at the moment. So, every time I passed it, I would pause and jump up and do a pull up - and hang as long as I could. Jumping I had no problem getting up to the bar...but jumping doesn't actually count. I would do it anyway - sometimes cursing when I was alone - but doing it nonetheless.
The next month I continued but didn't feel like I was making any real progress. I kept at it anyway. I am many things, stubborn is definitely one. Probably near the top of the list. I don't like not being able to do things AND I don't like asking for help. I get it - these traits are good and bad. I will try to open a jar for a LONG time with Mason, who is now bigger than me and is definitely stronger, standing next to me offering his assistance. No way. I got this. I want them to see their mom as strong and capable. I realize I might take this too far.
My kids were not going to get me to the top of the bar again. So I made a goal. I was going to be able to do a pull up before they went back to school. And guess what? A couple weeks before school started, I DID IT. I was afraid it might be a fluke -like maybe I jumped and didn't realize it. So I waited a day or so before admitted to myself that I had defeated my decades old demon. I can't do two in a row yet but that's coming. Doing multiple pulls ups doesn't seem as monumental to me. I feel like I finally redeemed the 10 year old me that had to hang there in gym class. Now I am just waiting for someone to tell me what I can't do next.
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